Today’s been a big day for thinking about life – deep-and-meaningful type thinking. A big day for acknowledging a few home truths; and a big day for making new plans. And a day for sharing some of this with The World™.
So, here’s the main point: I’m wasting my life, drifting along with little-to-no motivation to actual get where I want to be.
Closely linked with one other fact: I’m quite content to live my life like that.
Melodrama aside, this isn’t intended as some self-indulgent “woe is me” style comment; simply a statement of fact. I came to Japan with all these plans – I was gonna do this, that, and the other – but at the end of the day, it was all talk. It was a great sounding plan, but not really one that I had any intention of putting the required work into. It sounded great, and is still a great plan, I just chose to ignore the fact that it would take considerable effort and motivation on my part.
I want to work in the games industry. I want to beef up my programming skills. And I want to be able to get some of the myriad ideas in my head out of my head, into some form that’s tangible and real. But the one thing I really want, more than anything else, is a shortcut.
No more shortcuts. From here on out, this is about being thorough; about doing things completely, and the way they are meant to be done. This is about bringing integrity back. Phase 2!
It’s time I started putting the effort in, because in the end it’s that effort that’s gonna make the fruits all the sweeter. I’m gonna persevere, I’m gonna finish projects, and I’m going to make stuff. Lots of stuff. Awesome Stuff.
My biggest complaint coming out of my degree was that it taught me a little bit in a number of different areas – I felt like the proverbial Jack of All Trades. But I’ve always jumped around between platforms and SDKs and programming languages, looking for that one that’s better and easier than any other (the shortcut one). And since finishing, it’s been more of the same – more and more trades, but I’m still no closer to mastering any of them. Let’s be honest – it was never the degree. The structure and syllabus just made it easier to do what I would’ve done anyway.
The point is, I’m ending that. For now, I’m focusing on working with the iPhone OS. I likes it. It’s fun, it has some really interesting potential for interaction, and there’s a lot you can do with it. And at the end of the day, it also has the potential to be a good way to turn a profit on the aforementioned Awesome Stuff.
I’m gonna work at learning to work with the SDK. I have a great intro book that I’m gonna work through, and a few ideas for projects at all different levels that I’m going to put together. And then I’m gonna find more resources to learn from, more projects to challenge myself, and more people whose brains I can pick. There’s gonna be a lot of work here, but so what? There’s gold to be found there.
There’s more to this than just knuckling down with work though. It’s time I started putting that same effort into every area of my life, no matter how small. It’s time to get that integrity back into my life, and keep it there. It’s gonna start with tidying up tomorrow morning, and there’s so much more to follow that. I’m gonna start really looking after myself – starting with looking into hitting the gym (already got a gym buddy lined up too – a great guy who’s played a big part in this whole burst of enthusiasm), and an overhaul to my diet. I’m gonna start doing more to stay in touch with those people who matter to me, and whose friendships enrich my life. There’s more too, so much more, I just haven’t thought of it yet.
The funny thing is, the above doesn’t look like the huge, scary To-Do list it once would’ve. This isn’t about “oh great, now I have to go and do all this crap.” This is about so much more - it’s about breathing new life into myself; inspiring myself. And it’s about the people in my life.
Even before we got engaged, I once told Chi that as a condition of our relationship, we both had to have extraordinary lives. I hadn’t thought about it until today, but I’m yet to live up to my end of the bargain on that one. I want her to have a husband who is alive, and enthused, and motivated, who keeps his promises and fulfills his obligations.
I want the people I care about to have a friend who is interested, who cares, who listens, who can be counted on.
And some time in the future, I want my kids to have a father they know they can rely on; to be there for them, to be and do whatever is required.
This is what I’m up to, and this is what matters.
Hehe, some of that sounds a little more serious than I’d intended. But it isn’t really. It’s what I want to do, even if there are gonna be times when it’s the last thing I feel like doing. I mean, really, the gym?! But you know what? I think, at the end of the day, I just might up enjoying myself.
written by .klik2
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